Brush And Crush

Without revealing your age…..

January 1, 2017

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I saw this Twitter meme this week: “Without revealing your actual age, what is something you remember that if you told a younger person they wouldn’t understand?”

Some of the answers — It’s a long flight so I am going to choose the smoking section; Get off the phone I am expecting a call; In my house, I was the remote control; I used to go to a movie I liked 10 times, because there’s a chance I’d never be able to see it again – were sometimes hilarious, and so true.

Well, since this is a harness racing column:
Without revealing your actual age, what’s something you remember in harness racing that if you told a younger person they would not understand?

I have a few.

“I was going to claim him but he only raced 34 times last year. He must have problems.”

“My vet bill this month was $85.”

“It’s been zero minutes to post for a few minutes, there must be a shoeing issue.”

“The OTB is only a half-hour drive. Very convenient.”

“The trifecta just went to a one-dollar minimum.”

“It’s Fritz is racing Cam Fella, I wish I knew someone with a dish.”

“I love half-mile track racing, the horses come from everywhere.”

“Every horse tonight at Roosevelt is driven by their trainer except three. I heard one is sick and two are on vacation.”

“I handicapped that new place in Jersey like I always do; by finding the horse that will get the two hole. The thing was, every horse who got the two hole was 8th at the wood by the head of the lane.”

“If I don’t buy a Most Happy Fella yearling this fall I won’t be able to compete.”

“It’s a $900 purse and there’s $150,000 in the betting pools. Do the math, this race is ripe for a fix.”

“He’s parking out Die Laughing from the quarter. Suicide.”

“Things are crazy, I just paid $300 for a race bike.”

“It’s snowing, 12 below and the track is like frozen soup. I’m sure they won’t cancel.”

“The slots are opening so there should be way more people betting the races.”

“There’s no money in catch driving.”

“I’m going to take an early train because I’d like to get there to watch last night’s replays.”

“Can I get a stamp to come back in? I have to go across the street to the diner to make a phone call.”

“He went :56.2 to the half. What could he have been thinking?”

“I can’t imagine anything faster than my new Telstar.”

“We could go to Joe’s house and watch the race. He has a 56k modem.”

“We left the track right after the last and made great time. We caught the last four at Garden State and bet 14 races in one day!”

“That’s a good trainer. After two months of good nutrition, working on stifle problems and some paddock time, the horse almost dropped a full second.”

“Of course we’re going to the Jug. Who wouldn’t go to the Jug with a horse who can win it?”

“The only thing I want this year is to win the Triple Crown.”

“There are 11 races tonight. It must be some kind of special card.”

“I hit a $240 double at Batavia. What a jackpot!”

“My favorite part of the Hambletonian is the parade.”

“He set the track record in 1:55.3. Horses are so fast today.”

“I’m sad you can’t make it to see your horse race, but I know a guy in the race office. He said he’d hold the phone to the in-house TV so you can hear the call.”

“I got shut out of that exacta because there were too many people in line.”

“Unlike the thoroughbreds, harness horses are bred to race, not raced to breed.”

“Bah, this track should have more parking attendants. This is the fourth time this month I missed the early double.”

“Don’t ever claim off of him. He has 40 years of training experience.”

“Come on over tonight and bring the popcorn. The VHS of our horse’s races just came in the mail.”

Those are a few of mine. If you have any you’d like to share, we’d love to hear them.

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