by Trey Nosrac

As this little poetry series heads into the barn, here are a few odds and ends.

One poem that did not win a breeding was sent from Jerry R. who owns a Swedish registered mare named Radysin America. Jerry wrote that he would be donating the breeding to the SRF if he won. His poem made everyone laugh and I was pulling for this one.

Could it be possible?

Really, how improbable

Existentially or otherwise

Awarding such a generous prize

To, let us hope, is an experienced breeder

Important because, born boy or girl, you have to feed her.

No more need be said, Bowden, command your trotting machine!

Ejaculate… Creatine!

It was refreshing to see the latent interest and enthusiasm in our little harness racing choir. Expecting between a dozen to 20 poems, we received 52, including several from foreign lands. The pace of entries really picked up as we neared the deadline. Many poems included nice notes thanking HRU and Diamond Creek for the contest. Roughly females submitted two-thirds of the poems. I have a sneaky suspicion that men are a bit squishy when it comes to writing poetry and that at least a few of these women were acting as “Poetry Beards” for shy male acquaintances.

We sometimes fail to remember how exotic we are in the world of harness horse racing to civilians. The judges were poets and writers and as far as I could tell only a couple of them had knowledge of our sport. I tried to give them a quick primer on harness racing and sent them a link to HRU. But when some judges read poems with terms such as “Hambo” “Futurity” “First Over” “Snaffle” “Cross of Gold” or “Spit Box” — the humor or relevance may have been elusive. To some, snaffle is a beverage and Hambo is a sandwich.

Besides a little fun and a changeup from hardcore harness racing news there was a purpose in this project. We all understand the deal.

In sales and in writing, good leads are gold. Giving away stuff and making people smile can be good business. Contacting people who may have interest in your product can help make a deal. For example, the author of one of our poems was Rich V. Rich did not win, but he sees value in Creatine, he owns a trotting mare and he appears to be a fun guy. So I am going to send him the following letter.

Dear Rich,

I can’t believe your poem did not win the Creatine Breeding! I loved it. The line you wrote, “Trotting boldly through the wind” – awesome! The vote must have been rigged! Trotting Boldly – wow, that would make a great name for a baby trotter.

That ice-breaker paragraph is as self-serving and transparent as a string bikini, but page 86 of “Marketing for Dummies” said that I need to, “establish a bond and establish a relationship with the customer.”

Now that we are friends, a Lost Photo to Creatine match has real possibilities and might be a great move. Creatine is a sleeper, an under-the-radar sire, but if you take a peak, these two make a promising cross. We would love to see the match happen.

This note is about as subtle as a four AM Trump tweet, but hold on to your socks because you were brave enough to enter the Creatine contest, you and all of our poets will receive a $1,000 credit!

This means that if your mare successfully has a Creatine foal, you will officially have made a $1,000 for writing an eight line poem. This is unbelievable, something that has not happened since… well, ever. Profit and poetry rarely appear in the same sentence. Edgar Allan Poe, Emily Dickinson, Lord Byron and Walt Whitman didn’t come close to making that kind of money, and they wrote really long poems.

We are interested if you are. Diamond Creek and Creatine are first class. Breeding to sell or breeding to race, you get great value and a little extra panache from a fun group. And don’t forget… farm trips and fruit baskets are distinctly possible!

Give a call
Shoot an e-mail
Send up a flare
Kick the tires
Eat fruit and travel

PS. The “Marketing for Dummies” book said to, “create a sense of urgency.” So act fast because the Creatine book is closing faster than a hummingbird on amphetamines.

PPS. Call (717 638 7100) or email Caroline at [email protected]. Use the code word “POET”

Well, this poetry lark has been fun but all good things must come to an end. Driving for Lyft, playing video games, attending court mandated meetings, handicapping harness races and keeping the latest flame flickering all fill my schedule. Concocting this ridiculous contest, reading and cutting up 52 poems, arranging for judging, making multiple phone calls, driving 50 miles to retrieve the poems from the judges and paying for their lunch is getting far too close to serious employment.

Emailing all of the remaining breeding poets with a personalized note is a bridge too far, so I am suggesting that each of our poets help me out. Place your name, the name of your mare, and the name of your poem in the appropriate underlined spaces in the above letter. Then imagine that you have received an email contact letter.

Rest assured, everything is on the table for every qualified poet or poetess — a promising top tier sire, fruit, visits, discounts, prizes, races to win, fun to be had and stories to tell. And remember, if you raise a Creatine foal that races to stardom (which is very possible) you can write another poem about the adventure. In that poem you can explain how little eight-line poem that you wrote evolved into raising and harnessing a champion.

The contest is done

Gosh it was fun

Should a million dollar foal bring you huge purses

You’ll really be glad that you wrote a few verses.