The dishwasher’s funeral

by Bob Heyden

His name was Diego. I’m not sure if that was his first or last name. It didn’t matter. At right around 80 years old, he just passed away. Actually, it was more of a gathering than a funeral. There was no obit, just a lot of friends and family coming together to remember a man who lived a life of decency, dedication, caring, that always put his cherished family first.

Diego was a dishwasher at The Meadowlands for the entirety of its run, when it was operated by the State of New Jersey from 1976 through 2011.

I am actually keeping a promise here. I told Diego, 25 or so years ago, that when he was gone, I would mention it. He then wondered aloud why anybody would care about the passing of a dishwasher from The Meadowlands years and years ago. I am glad, so glad, he asked.

I remember the first time or two I met him. It was the early 1980s at The Meadowlands in the kitchen in Pegasus. I made a habit of occasionally visiting those who worked behind the scenes. What I saw was an intense guy who basically never looked up. He obviously took pride in what he was doing, big time.

Right away I knew this is a primo candidate for my makeshift goodie packages. I would load up ginger ale, programs, cookies, and, on occasion, Meadowlands Fair passes. Like-minded Kim Rinker saw me a few times knowing my mission full well. I soon found out that Diego was the ultimate sharer, because people that I didn’t know would, on occasion, thank me for programs and Mrs. Heyden’s cookies. Yeah, he was that kind of guy.

I came to find out he was one prince of a guy. Dedicated, unselfish, proud, and the last one out the door after work. He saw the good in all. He was uncomfortable not working. Front And Center would be a good horse name, but never for him. His anonymity was a reality but also a goal of sorts. He never ever seemed to think what he did was a big deal. Hey, who doesn’t work 105 hour weeks, right?

Getting the news of his passing got me thinking about what are the measures of accomplishment. Is it the amount of bricks or cinder blocks you put down and if so, why not the amount of plates and forks you gave cleaned? I remember asking him about how people look at him and his family and does he ever wish things were different. Absolutely not he would tell me. He was privileged to be here and working at The Meadowlands and to raise his family. Never a bitter moment; not a one, ever.

I also recall his coming to The Meadowlands a few times as a patron when they raced on Sunday afternoons. He loved the races. He came to an open house or two also. One time he told me he was bringing his daughter to pet the horses. Daughter as in singular, because he had two. So, I decided this was the perfect time to bring a Mrs. Heyden’s giant basketball-sized chocolate chipper. He arrives in paddock park with both daughters, and I have one cookie. Thankfully I deferred to those way more creative than me and we figured it out.

Another time I went to his granddaughter’s birthday party and instead of a gift I palmed her a handful of five-dollar bills. Even a 6-year-old fully appreciated that. I soon learned, in a memo to self, that although it was a great idea, she had plenty of friends at that age and they too have birthdays. I stepped out for a Dunkin Donuts break but it actually was to reload. Oh my how Diego loved those girls.

Diego was proud, sincere, constantly in motion, polite, and simply didn’t know how to be anyone else. Diego wasn’t a visionary, nor a statesman. Some refer to his immediate group as lower class, even inferior, but to that I respond, ‘He didn’t choose his heritage.” What he did choose was to come here in the early 1970s from Ecuador and do everything and anything possible to make a better life for his family. He asked for no favors. His sleeves were rolled up 24/7. He carried his own pail and weight. No corners cut here. He earned everything.

If you take one look at the smile on his granddaughter’s face how could you tell me he didn’t do good? I actually remember telling him that he didn’t get to decide his own significance, nor his legacy, that’s up to us.

Let me conclude with something I just found. Unrelated to Diego I have been going through a ton of stuff I have and to be honest it’s a monumental chore. I came across a thank you note from 1997 from the office of then New Jersey Governor Christie Whitman. I had done a seminar in February 1997 at The Meadowlands for her and her group. Most attendees made it through very heavy snow, and my mother had outdone herself in preparing a big tray for the Governor and her entourage. Governor Whitman was kind enough to thank mom and needless to say it meant quite a bit to my mother. But, attached to the very same paper clip was only one other note. It was around the same time I would guess, but with no date on it. It was from Diego’s daughter Mia. It said, “Mr. Hollywood, thanks so much for the cookies you sent to us. Everyone loved them.

Note the word everyone. Sharing the same paper clip with my thank you note from the Governor. It didn’t, and doesn’t, seem out of place at all.