by Trey Nosrac
Please skip this column if you are a fan of traditionalism, incrementalism or if you reject absurdism. The next string of ideas will be more twitterature than literature; a few brief lines, odd formats, no overthinking, no over explaining, a few emoji’s, a few forwarded photos, wham, bam, in and out. You know, short and snappy – like modern life.
They are wildly unorthodox methods of connecting with people under the age of 40 who live on their phones and in their social networks and do not know our sport exists. Each entry is for people who might be willing to have a gambling fling but will not endure agonizing over a race program.
The Amazing First Fling of the Mysterious Mentor
Posted on appropriate blogs and social media platforms will be this notice:
My name is Trey. I am a single, semi-employed male who falls somewhere between Brad Pitt and William (the Younger) Pitt. Alas, the scale tilts much closer to William (the Younger). I am in search of pliable women open to new experiences.
Among my dubious talents is a vast knowledge of the sport of harness horse racing. This is a sport where horses pulling carts race each other in circles, sort of like chariot racing. This is a lot more fun than it sounds. People wager money on the chariots. Some people allege they can make money wagering on the results. I am one of those people.
I am in search of a woman to mentor on the intriguing sport of harness horse racing. Should you be such a woman you need a few credentials:
• Money to gamble
• A sense of humor
• Be a good sport
• Not have a violent husband or boyfriend
You do not need to know anything about gambling or the sport of harness horseracing. The less you know, the more you will have the opportunity to learn.
The terms of our engagement are simple.
We will set up a Skype session of approximately two hours. We will begin by spending a few minutes in witty, and possibly exaggerated, repartee. Then we will get to the point of our tryst.
I will become your personal mentor/guru in the exotic world of harness horse racing gambling. Via split screen and headphones, using graphics and on-line resources, I will slowly and enthusiastically introduce you to the exciting new world of gambling on harness horse racing.
During this session and any subsequent sessions, I will explain various aspects of the sport and walk you through how to open your very own wagering account. Then I will help you select wagering options, answer questions, direct you to racetrack sites, and slowly and patiently teach you the rudiments of gambling on horses that trot and pace.
Although we may have a good time, I am a professional businessperson of an entrepreneurial nature whose business just happens to be rather loosely structured and high risk.
My fee for services is simple. At the end of our two-hour session, if you have not made money after wagering horses under my tutelage, you owe me nothing and we will just chalk up the evening as a social experience.
Should you earn money wagering during the course of my tutelage, you electronically mail me ten percent of your net earnings for services rendered.
For a good time – email Trey at firstname.lastname@example.org
Next week – Play #2 “Hoof Prints In the Sky”